Friday, 27 August 2010

Hello again! Do strippers have sex lives?

Of all the people who might get me back into blogging, the last person I imagined was a self-described "sleazy male, college student, bum asshole."
In fact, I usually avoid "sleazy, male college bum assholes", unless there's some good cash on the table.
But I have to give it to the kid. He asked a good question in the comment section below.
"How does being a sex worker affect your sex life? Would it just be certain, silly males treating you differently? Or is it really rare to find a partner who can take your profession realistically? (I know I couldn't, without effort and time. But therefore keep writing plz. :-) )"
It's a hard question, Mr. College Bum Asshole. Let me try to divide it into categories

1. Desperate Young Boy Caught up in a "Stripper Girlfriend" Fantasy.
Google "stripper tips" and half the sites have nothing to do with how to become a stripper.
Many are from men's mags giving advice on how to DATE a stripper.
The desperate guys who try to follow these columns often have ridiculously high expectations. They think that if they can kiss up to a stripper -- be nice to her, listen to her, make her his "girlfriend," buy her a few drinks -- they will win an "ideal girlfriend."
Their "ideal" is basically just a free stripper. These silly boys think that if you start "dating", the guy will get unlimited lap dances and other perks from a totally hot woman -- for free! They can also brag to their friends that they are dating a sexy stripper.
Of course, this is not going to happen.
1. Experienced strippers can spot these guys from a mile away.
2. It's our job to charge for our services. Nobody is doing anything for free with you.
3. These guys are not looking for a real relationship with a real woman. They're just looking for some sort of fantasy.

When I was much younger, I "dated" a few boys I met at work. Never again.
These guys wanted me to perform all the time, even before and after work. What did they think? That I am a stripper 24-hours a day? No! After my shift, I put on big loose PJs and reading glasses and flop on the couch.

2. The Sugardaddy
In some clubs, getting a sugardaddy quickly turns into prostitution. I have nothing against hookers myself, but I have never gone down that line.
I have never taken money for sex.
But, when I was much younger, rich guys would approach me for seeing me outside of work.
I knew the deal. They would pay for me at nice bars or restaurants and buy me drinks. In return, I would hang off their arm in a skimpy skirt, flirt around their friends, and provide a little sexy entertainment at their parties.
I did sleep with a few of these guys, but it was because I wanted to. Maybe we were all a little tispy at a party together and, you know... But they never tried to pay me cash and I never asked for it. It just wasn't like that.
Would you call this "dating"? Maybe. I walk around and see alot of young, pretty girls with obviously older, uglier, richer looking guys. I don't know if what I was doing was much different than what they are doing.

3. The Industry Boyfriend
If I'm going to date someone, he needs to understand that I am a relatively normal person, too. On my days off, I wear loose jeans, do my laundry, pick up groceries and maybe hit the gym. On the blessed evenings when I am not on work, I even like to cook dinner.
Of course, neither the Desperate Young Boy or the Sugardaddy are interested in this. They are only interested in the stripper part of me, not the Me part of me.
Ironically, guys who have worked in the sex industry are much more understanding of this. They totally get that you are one (fictional) person on stage, and another person off stage. I think they understand it alot more than "normal" guys.
There are a surprising number of men in the industry: Club owners, club managers, bouncers, barmen, cameramen in the porn film or online industry, etc, etc.
Now, beware that you should never sleep with your boss. It just leads to ALLLL sorts of trouble.
I have to say that since I started stripping more than a decade ago, my best and longest relationship was with a bouncer at another strip joint.

4. The Totally Normal Man
Strippers are just normal women. We all seek the same thing: a caring, responsible, loving, loyal partner. Now that I'm turning the big 3-0, I am increasingly looking for a totally average dude -- good, steady salary, house in the 'burbs with a golden retriever...
The problem is, it's hard to convince a stand-up, decent guy to date a stripper.
Because -- let's be painfully honest here -- Good Citizens look down on us as being sleazy.
How many accountants want to bring their wife or girlfriend to a company dinner and introduce her as a stripper?
How many young professionals want to bring a stripper home to mom?
How many men can prevent the (totally natural) instinct to be jealous when his wife or girlfriend is taking off her clothes and rubbing against strange men? You can explain all you want that it is WORK, and that you are actually aren't attracted to any of the guests -- but that won't make your bf feel better.
Again, if he works in the sex industry, he'll be more open-minded. But a mainstream, respectable professional? I dunno.

Well, Mr. Asshole College Guy, that was a long answer. I hope you like it!

P.S. I don't believe in lying to people when I start to date them about what I do. I think it's dishonest and makes it worse. I'm just honest, even if it turns some guys off.

P.P.S. I think this is a MUCH harder issue for prostitutes.


  1. Need a bit of advice here.. I met a girl who works part-time as a dancer at a strip club and I think she's not only attractive, but smart and fun to talk you think it's possible to have a relationship with a strip club dancer, or is this a horrible idea?

  2. I enjoyed your blog. Personally, I respect strippers, and prostitutes. I am also aware that they are experts at stringing their customers along, and for the most part the rare occasions where I go to a strip club, I feel I get good value for my money. They tease me, and I pay them. A good tease is nice now and then, helps keep the mojo flowing and lets you remember you are a man.

    I had a discussion the other night with a stripper who doesn't do prostitution, but says that she knows some girls who do. She did say that in her opinion, it messes with their heads. I wasn't sure how exactly but I took her word for it.

    At any rate, good luck and hopefully you will find someone to settle down with.

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