Thursday, 8 July 2010

How to look like a stripper -- Part 1: Diet

Most people would consider that an insult. I call it a compliment.
After all, strippers are idealized women, aren't we? We are the object of fantasy, both of men (who want to sleep with us) and women (who want to look like us). If we weren't attractive, men wouldn't leave their wives and girlfriends at home to spend their hard-earned cash looking at us.
So, how do you look like a stripper?

I know you've heard this before. But considering all the fat, ugly people out there, maybe some basic advice needs repeating.
1. Go through your closet and throw away all the junk food. Right now. I know it's wasteful. But since you will never buy that crap again, you'll never have to do this again.
2. Go to the grocery store and buy a ton of fresh fruits and vegetables, plus a little bit of lean meat and whole-grain carbs, like wheat bread or brown rice.
3. No more junk food.
4. No more sweets -- and that includes sweetened cereals, blueberry muffins, iced mochas, even sweet granola bars, which are basically desserts disguised as health foods.
5. No more fast food -- not even a small McNuggets. You are going to become Martha Freaking Stewart.
6. Cook and eat small meals at home.
7. Make water your main drink. Drink tons and tons and tons of it. If you absolutely have to supplement it with something, take coffee or tea (no sugar) or diet sodas. Don't even have juice. And keep the alcohol to a minimum.
You'll see a difference after a few weeks, without breaking a sweat even once at the gym. Though you'll have to do that, too -- more on that later.
Forget crash diets, weird diets or fad diets -- just follow the advice above and you'll be fine.
Oh, and no starving. You can't keep it up. Plus, it will make you so tired that you'll never be able to last a whole shift dancing.


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  2. I'm going to be a stopper next year and I'm pretty think but I'm red bone and pretty the only thing is I'm thick I just need tips on getting slim and losing weight

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